Heartbeats, Heaven, and Hope…

It’s funny how real heaven becomes when you lose someone close to you. I grew up being taught that heaven is a real place and have believed that to be true my entire life however it wasn’t until I lost a child through miscarriage that heaven became absolutely real to me.

I have thought a lot about heaven over the past few months. It’s common to hear people say, “Well, he’s waiting for us in heaven…” or “We’ll see her on the other side…” which are both true statements but held no true meaning to me until I was unable to hold my child in my arms.

Heaven is hope. Hope that the ugliness of this world is not eternal, but the God of Heaven is. Hope that if you follow Jesus death is not the end of life but only the beginning. Hope that I will hold my child someday.


It is because of the hope that we have that we are continuing to pursue God’s plan for our family. We have known from the beginning that our family was meant to be a bit bigger than 4 and so after much healing and prayer we began asking God the same thing the Israelites asked of Him in Psalm 126, “And now God, do it again…” (Ps. 126:4 MSG). We asked Him to bring us a healthy baby just as He had with my first two pregnancies and we hoped and we trusted that God is good.

God is good.

As you can hear below today I heard one of the sweetest sounds. As I sat in that room and listened I realized how incredible God’s love truly is. With each beat I felt God’s embrace squeeze tighter and tighter and my fear fall further and further away.

Sharing this journey has been so important to me and I understand that for some this is a very delicate subject. My heart aches for those unable to have children and for those who have also lost babies but in the words of a song my Meme used to sing, “I don’t know about tomorrow but I know who holds my hand…” May the peace of Jesus be your smile and your strength on the days when both seem nonexistent. May you feel His hand in yours as you walk this journey with Him. May my sharing bring hope and not sadness, a clear picture of the faithfulness of God. If He did it for me, He can do it for you.





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